Listening is a skill that can be learned, and true listening is not something that comes naturally. It’s no surprise that most people don’t know how to truly listen to others; they’ve never been taught how. However, there are techniques that can be learned to improve listening skills.
Researchers have developed a technique based on recent neuroscience discoveries that has been successful in a variety of settings. This method has been used to teach inmates in maximum security prisons to stop violence, help teachers calm angry students, and assist professional mediators in de-escalating high-conflict situations. It has also been used to teach parents how to de-escalate their upset child.
When truly listening to someone, there are four key steps to follow:
1. Ignore the words: focus on the emotions being conveyed, not the actual words.
2. Listen with more than your ears: pay attention to nonverbal cues, as 94% of the information we receive from others is nonverbal.
3. Label the emotions: as you sense the other person’s emotions, label them out loud to acknowledge and validate their feelings.
4. Watch for the head nod: when you have successfully connected with the other person on an emotional level, they will show preconscious responses, such as nodding their head or sighing.
Using this technique can help in fostering a deep, intimate connection with others by truly paying attention to their emotions. It is important to practice and be patient with each other. In the end, the payoff is rewarding, leading to a strong and lasting connection between individuals.
