Everyone wants to know what to do to be happier. More life-hacks, coping skills, frameworks, pills, coaches, and therapists. The quest for “more” to make us happy is relentless. But what if being happy is about doing less, not more?
Research has shown that when we examine our habits, we often see how the things that make us miserable are subtle but powerful patterns that we’ve fallen into – maybe since childhood. These patterns gnaw away at our happiness every day, month after month, year after year.
There are six tiny things that kill happiness. The first is worrying about the future. Worry leads to an illusion of control, but the reality is that some things are beyond our control. The second is going with the flow instead of being assertive. Quite often, people are afraid of conflict and hesitate to push back. However, assertiveness means standing up for your own needs and values.
The third is isolating when feeling down. Instead of hiding and isolating oneself, reaching out for support can be more beneficial. The fourth is managing stress, not the stressor itself. Stress management is like treating the symptoms, not the cause.
Judgmental self-talk follows, where the negative, judgmental style of self-talk is identified as a brutal way of self-motivation. Lastly, believing your thoughts unconditionally can be detrimental to one’s mental health. Cultivating a healthy skepticism of your thoughts and learning to let them be may lead to happiness.
The key to finding happiness is often found in doing less, not more. Let go of habits that make us miserable and embrace a simpler, more intentional life. Instead of seeking external solutions, the answers may lie in removing internal obstacles to happiness and well-being.
